Monday, August 29, 2011

Top 9 things you MUST mention if you write a Star Trek SCE book

I've been reading the Star Trek: SCE books lately. (Starfleet Corps of Engineers)
I love them, they're so nerdy even most Star Trek fans probably don't even like them (yes, that's a generalization that I've done no research on...).

One thing that has popped out at me is the number of cliches specific to this series (yes, some of them are on purpose referencing other Star Trek cliches.)

So, just for fun, I present the top 9 things you MUST mention if you write a Star Trek SCE book:

1. P8 Blue's "specially designed chair" -
This phrase must be used at least once per book, as entered. preferably, it should be used anytime a character goes anywhere near the briefing room.

2. Hawkins has to get hurt -
Hawkins is a member of the security team. This is actually a referance to redshirts on TOS getting killed off all the time. He gets at least a bump on the head in every novel.

3. Captian Gold has to use at least one Yiddish word.
This one actually makes sense, but it still counts...

4. Beat the reader over the head with Bart Faulwell's homosexuality -
Sensitive topic for some, most authors beat the reader over the head with it with all the finesse of a Klingon.

Bonus Points:

5. Sneak in a mention of Core-Breach's family axe -
If you do, you MUST quote the full text of the inscription.

6. Mention Gomez spilling hot-chocolate on Captain Picard at least once -
they've gotten better at this as the series has progressed, but at the beginning it was in EVERY novel.

7. Only Scotty's seventy-year out-of-date knowledge can save us!

8. Soloman talks in binary code, the other characters marvel -
for extra points, recount again for the reader how he got his nickname

9. Beat the ship up so badly that in real life they'd scrap it... then fix it all up for the next book