OK, here's the pitch paragraph from my query letter for Meskka, what do you think?
When an alien ship lands unexpectedly in the middle of her clan's territory, Bast is sent to investigate as part of her scout trial. After accidentally injuring her paw, she meets these new visitors. She and her senior scout Rrrark are invited to return with the aliens to their home planet to open diplomatic relations. What started out as a simple diplomatic mission is soon complicated when they discover a pirate scheme that might be more than it seems. Only herself, Rrrark, and two of the aliens called Guardians that have strange powers different from the others are capable of stopping the pirates.
Was reading your epub tutorial, which is now on my eRreader - thank you - and thought I'd return the favor so to speak. Here's my edit of your pitch:
ReplyDeleteWhen the Guardian's ship lands unexpectedly in her clan's territory, Bast is sent to investigate as part of her scout trial. After accidentally injuring her paw, she meets these new visitors. She and her senior scout Rrrark are invited to return with the Guardians to their home planet to open diplomatic relations. What starts out as a simple diplomatic mission is soon complicated by Bast's(?) discovery of a pirate scheme that might be much more. Only Bast, Rrrark, and the Guardians, who have strange powers but are religious pacifists who will not interfere, are capable of stopping the pirates.
I made stuff up as a suggestion to introduce more dynamics between the characters in the pitch. Add something about the relationship between Bast and Rrrark. These will all give the agent more reasons to ask for a sample.
Good Luck!